Serious question, put yourself in the shoes of Whitt

[chinngiskhaan]

How would you handle things? What would your message be to these boys?

If it were me, I think I offer my support to the players in any way possible, don’t even mention the game of football. I then meet with the leadership of the team (probably Wednesday or so) and let them know that how we handle the next two weeks, and the rest of the season is entirely up to them. I let these guys know I’m there to guide them in any way they would like, but that I trust them to do what is best for their teammates.

I wouldn’t go anywhere near suggesting that the team needs to put this behind them and move on. I wouldn’t suggest using Lowe’s death as a springboard for success the rest of the season. None of that. No football talk from me. No expectations, just unconditional support. Whatever the leadership council feels is best is what the team does. 

[Tony (admin)]

Every person handles things differently.  I might address the group with the family mentality, but take the time to talk to each individual player personally.

[Central Coast Ute]

You’re spot on. If the players want to use it as a springboard, it needs to come from them. The coaches need to take on their roles of mentors at this time. Football is secondary. That’s leadership 101 in this situation.

[Stone]

Very tough, devastating situation.

As a leader/coach, you need to lead. You give everyone their time to grieve and deal with it in the manner that is best for them. But there is also a job to do as the professional coach, which is to prepare those that are willing/able to play the next game. The players are not really in the same boat, so they should be able to opt out, quit, etc. if they want, as they always are allowed to do. Again, everyone should do what they think is best for themselves. Some people just shut down when experiencing untimely deaths close to them. Others take comfort in moving forward. Ultimately, life needs to go on (but life does not need to include football for those that do not want it to). 

As to unconditional support for the team – that should always be the case (not just due to this particular tragedy). To suggest otherwise is to discount other events/tragedies that players/coaches are dealing with that may not be widely known. Life is full of adversity – everyone is dealing with some type of s**t almost constantly. We support and love our team always. That does not mean we cannot be frustrated and seek excellence. But we can certainly be sympathetic and less prone to personal attacks. I have unconditional love for my children. That does not keep me from giving them instruction when they make poor choices. I love them no matter what they do, but that does not mean I love everything they do.

[MFury]

Critial issue here is creating an environment for getting help (call it pyschological safety).  Some will do fine on their own, but some won’t.  All need to feel comfortable that they can process this how they need to. And the leaders need to create that space, and ensure resources are on hand. 

I’m sure the U has made all resources avaialble to the team – but how much uptake they see will be dependednt on the environment. 

 

[chinngiskhaan]

I agree that everyone is pretty much always going through something… but this isn’t that. This is everyone going through the SAME thing. That’s not to say that you are wrong, but I do think it’s worth it to point out that the entire organization going through the same thing isn’t the same as everyone dealing with their own individual stuff. I also believe that it requires a different mindset than in the type of situations you referred to. This thing happened to all of them at the same time, including the coach. There are around 100 people that the head coach is to some degree responsible for (players/coaches/other personnel). They are all going through this in their own way, but they are all going through it nonetheless.

I just don’t think I as the head coach could stand in front of all those people and say, “All right everyone, I know it’s been a rough couple of days… but we have a job to do.” That’s why I suggested leaving it up to the leadership council to feel things out amongst the players and decide how to move forward.

I’m not saying you are wrong. It’s hard to say who or what is right or wrong in this situation. I’m glad I don’t have that kind of responsibility on my shoulders. Agh… this whole damned thing just sucks.

[ProudUte]

I realize that the remainder of the season seems much less important and it’s just a football game.  There are more important things, especially to fans.  I would be personally fine with not playing another game.

That being said, coming here to play football at the U is much more important to many of these players.  Many have aspirations of playing pro football.  Their future is on the line.  Consequently, IMO it is incumbent on Whitt and the other coaches to get this team prepared to play football.  Saturday’s night tragedy is horrible.  Nothing can change that.  Nonetheless, the players still need and I assume most still want to play football.  Each player needs to grieve in his own way and the coaches and fans need to respect that.  I would not want to be Whitt right now.  There is no one right way to deal with this tragedy.

 

 

[Stone]

You are right, this is different to have the whole team experiencing the same tragedy together. It will be a heavy burden to bear.

I would not fault anyone for saying they do not want to continue playing. They should all get the help and counseling they need. Whit needs to be a leader, which includes being understanding to those that do not have their heart in the game any more and understanding of those that want to continue playing. His job, as coach, is to lead the whole team. To do that, I would suggest he needs to get everyone who wants to play, prepared and ready for the next game. The others, he should make sure they take the time they need. Maybe he is not ready to coach at this point. I would not fault him for that. But if so, he needs to let someone else take over the coaching duties in the interim so that those who want to play will be ready.

[chinngiskhaan]

that is a very fair approach to take.

[noneyadb]

A number of teammates were at the party and witnessed Lowe pass away. This one will effect the team differently.

[Author]

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