Random Thursday musings (some sports, but put in politics to keep peace):

[AZswayze]

1. Our basketball team. I was one of the people who said a month ago that they may be better than last year’s team. What the f**k is going on?

2. I have mentioned it the past couple of days, but our softball team is a great alternative if you can’t stomach watching the basketball team flounder.

3. Will Ole Miss be the first team since SMU to receive the death penalty? Probably not, but there are so many allegations coming out that it would be an insult to all of college sports for the NCAA not to give them the worst possible sanctions, even if only a quarter of them turn out to be true.

4. Edward Snowden. It’s been several years now, and I still can’t decide whether this guy is a great patriot, or a traitor. Our government oversteps their bounds, and while it bothers me to some extent I realize some blurring of the lines may be necessary to keep us safe. Still, Snowden did something that most wouldn’t, in essentially giving his life to out the government for doing things he believed strongly went against American ideals. Please help me make up my mind once and for all.

5. The Trump administration is a circus, but the non-stop news is entertaining if nothing else. Alex Jones claims he was offered press credentials. While the White House denies this, Trump is a fan of his (let that sink in for a minute), and as his war with the media intensifies I would not be surprised to see him turn to Jones as an outlet of sorts. Just imagine, for a moment, Alex Jones at a White House press conference. It would be glorious.

6. Speaking of Trump, picking a fight with the intelligence community? Your twitter game ain’t that strong son. This will end badly, and one former analyst has reportedly said “he will die in jail”. Yowzers.

7. Why aren’t bidets mainstream? You can pick one up at Home Depot for under $50. You are wiping your s**tty asses with dry paper you savages.

[SkinyUte]

5. Why aren’t bidets mainstream? You can pick one up at Home Depot for under $50. You are wiping your s**tty asses with dry paper you savages.

Speak for yourself, I use the three seashells.

[mokus]

I have a bidet and never use it.  Bidets are for people who like a nice, wet asshole all day long.  I prefer a clean, dry orifice.  

[AZswayze]

You’re not using it right you itchy bastage.

[mokus]

I’m sorry but I am not keeping a drying towel.

I have stories.

Bidets are off the table.

[AZswayze]

I use toilet paper to dry, just now instead of spending hundreds of dollars per year on TP, I spend dozens. And I’m clean, oh so clean. Good luck with those dingleberries though.

[mokus]

OK, you get the story. My wife had back surgery and didn’t have full mobility. Her mom that we live with said there was a guy “in the ward” that made and sold bidets. Heck, let’s give it a try.

The try failed, my wife didn’t like it. But grandma gave it a test drive and loved it. So I was tasked with moving it upstairs to her toilet. The guy who sells them says he and his wife keep hooks on the wall with their individual drying towels for afterdrying. Granny decided to just hang hers on the water supply line.

Fast forward to the grandkids visiting, which they do quite often. Their tiny little bodies are at the height where using a towel draped over a supply line seems convenient, so they would use it to dry their hands after washing. After taking the kids home, Uncle J called inquiring as to the state of the kids while in granny’s care. He said once they were home they were vomiting and it was becoming a pattern after visiting granny.

Yes, that’s right. They were spreading fecal matter all over every house they were visiting and ingesting it as they ate with their grubby little hands. I try not to think about it. No I am not keeping a poop soaked towel hanging in my bathroom. The toilet paper gets sticky and clumpy and tears weird. But bidets are off the table.

[mokus]

Bonus story: Granny loved the bidet so much she tried to use it on the little grandkids instead of wiping them. But since they are so tiny and situated at the front of the toilet seat, the angle of the water doesn’t work as well. So when she hit the button the water shot at the tiny bum, then ricocheted into her face.

The only positive is when visitors decide to find out what the little button does and they either get hit in the face or are consumed with terror when they realize they shot toilet water all over the wall across the way. (it’s not really toilet water since it bypasses the toilet plumbing, but it is still funny.)

[Utebeam]

Comic gold! Please share more!

[GameForAnyFuss]

Wait, so you’re blaming the bidet for a user error problem? OK, I see how it is. 😉

As some of you know, I was raised in South America where it’s all bidets. There are many great things about South America – bidets might be the best one.

[Ute R Us]

[96GradAlum]

When the news on Snowden came out I thought: he’s a damn traitor!  But over time, as I pondered it more fully, I came to believe that without the Snowden’s (and Chelsea Manning) of the world we’d have no idea of the bulls**t our gub’ment pulls.  

[Utah]

Are you s**tting me Clark? You are telling me bung hole can be gently rinsed by nightfall? 

You, sir, are the real Santa Claus. 

[AZswayze]

I love how I bring up a half dozen controversial or otherwise interesting subjects, and every response thus far has been about bidets. This actually answers some of my other questions about our current state of affairs in this country.

[SkinyUte]

Hey man, things are s**tty.

(ba-dum…tish)

[Utah]

I think it is fatigue. The thread below takes a lot out of you, so you find something else to talk about. 

It is what my fear of Trump is. He is so outlandish, and is so insane, that we get fatigue from all this and when he actually does something that does real damage, no one will care. 

[Newbomb Turk]

I think Trump should use a bidet on his mouth. There, I covered items 6 and 7 on your list with one sentence.

[Red Don]

I think Trump should use a bidet on his mouth. There, I covered items 6 and 7 on your list with one sentence.

I would add to clean his ears, but the water would probably pass through with such unresisted force that it could injure someone.

[UteThunder]

Snowden is both a patriot and a traitor.

He is a patriot for some of the things he revealed our government is doing. 

He is a traitor for some of the other things he revealed our government is doing.

He should have made a distinction between the American People’s right to know and the American Government’s need to keep certain information secret from foreign governments.